i have heard the mermaids singing...

2009-08-20T22:36:00.002-03:00

wow. it's been a long long time.

The rest of this journal is painfully painfully embarrassing to me. the same way my emo poetry from high school is just asking to be burned.

anyways. i thought i would start keeping a journal again. who knows if it will last but we'll see. i'm moving to halifax in a month to live in a beautiful old home with 3 of my favorite people. i'm pretty excited/poor. hopefully this situation will help me figure some things out. mainly: what am i doing with my life? what should i do for a living? what do i want?

that is a lot of "I" but that is the stage i've reached. i've got 4 years to figure my life out. i feel like 30 is a good deadline.

i haven't been taking a lot of photos this summer. something i hope to remedy this fall. i'm thinking about going back to school for graphic design. it's taken me 6 years to figure out that my mom was probably right.

2006-10-30T16:06:00.000-04:00

i need to move out. to darmouth. the halifax side is over-rated.

2006-10-10T21:28:00.000-03:00

i was a shy kid. i was a bit of a dreamer. a little out of touch with reality. of course, it was probably just my ADD, but this tendency to drift off, to not pay attention got me in trouble most times. i thought i was stupid, why couldn't i just pay attention? why did i always get information mixed up? i grew up thinking i was stupid, and i thought by asking questions it would just make me sound dumber. well i've sort of retained this habit into my adult life. i'm an art school graduate but i feel like i don't know anything so i'm afraid to apply for jobs because i feel i'm unqualified. i don't think it's so much that i lack the ambition. i lack the confidence, and feeling afraid of letting people down is what has me living in a cramped little room, in lonely halifax with that big elephant in the corner of my room: what the hell am i doing with my life?

2006-10-09T19:23:00.000-03:00

i don't wanna grow up.....

2006-08-03T20:55:00.000-03:00

i'm in glovertown and for the past week i've been : playing cards, eating lots of carbohydrates and listening and playing gospel music. only two more weeks left!

"softly and tenderly jesus is calling"

2006-06-19T17:36:00.000-03:00

hey. so i'm sure no one reads this anymore since i haven't posted in forever but there's really nothing crazy about my life right now. this is what has happened in the past little bit:
nicole moved out, deanna moved in, kathy came home for her b-day, i saw a bad movie by myself, i see jason more, i've only gone to school twice since the course started, i need a computer really badly and marc will be home in a month! tell me something interesting . i'm trying to dig myself out of a rut.

2006-05-06T18:59:00.000-03:00

besides mulatu astatke i have heared two other songs that make me happy: "i know what boys like" by the waitresses and "how it ends" by devotcha. also my new favorite movies are memoirs of a geisha and everything is illuminated (pictured above). i wish i had a computer. i will post photos of the apartment soon!

2006-04-28T23:24:00.000-03:00

3 thing that have happened to me in the past week:
1. i graduated! what am i going to do now?
2. i'm moving out. you can see the governor generals house from my living room window.
3. someone saw my work at the grad exhibition and is interested in it for a gallery show? i think/hope. we'll see!

p.s.: i will post pics of our flat when it is complete!

2006-04-23T11:11:00.000-03:00

happy 90th birthday grampy!

2006-04-20T19:12:00.000-03:00

mulatu astatke's ethiopian jazz is so hot. it sounds like incense, dimly lit rooms and sex.

1. gubelye
2. yekerme sew

2006-04-10T20:23:00.000-03:00

oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. i have two days of school left and i don't know anything. i'm so screwed.

2006-04-08T10:30:00.000-03:00

i'm busy emily! give me a break! so this is what's new: i had my last art history class yesterday! yay! no more papers. now all i have to do is put together a portfolio of my work for wednesday which means i have to spend the next few days in my room basking in the smell of pm solution (smells like turpentine) and paint the rest of these photos. i also have to reprint a bunch of old photos i did so i will probably not see any of you until wednesday besides work. i want to go out with a bunch of people. does anyone want to have some wine and go and see what brightwood looks like at night?

p.s.: i think i might be taking a summer course just so i can use the nscad facilities. i'm so excited.

2006-03-28T20:32:00.000-04:00

"nature seemed to me benign and good; i thought she loved me, outcast as i was; and i, who from man could anticipate only mistrust, rejection, insult, clung to her with filial fondness. to-night, at least, i would be her guest-as i was her child: my mother would lodge me without money and withouth price." -jane eyre

2006-03-28T20:04:00.000-04:00

my new favorite thing is brightwood. you know, the golf course that is smack in the middle of dartmouth, where i remember drinking before dances in highschool (correction: other people drinking), cutting through on the way home from school and sledding. for the past week i've been walking there and i don't know why i never thought to go there before. just a 5 minute walk from my house is a place that looks a little bit like a garden of eden. it looks like i just stepped out of dartmouth and into english countryside. if i could only photoshop out the ugly architecture of the city as well as the smoke stacks and mute the white noise of the traffic it would be 100% complete. not to mention the fact that everything looks more beautiful if your listening to shubert debussy or liszt on your ipod shuffle. i think all the austen and bronte novels have gone to my head. i want to live in 19th century england. maybe the year 1815.

2006-03-22T19:14:00.000-04:00

i'm such a goth.

2006-03-14T21:16:00.000-04:00

"a prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages"

2006-03-08T22:52:00.000-04:00

the femme fatale

"all the orient is in your smile/mysterious as river nile/and you stole my heart/with your winning art/and the egypt in your smile..."

2006-03-07T22:17:00.000-04:00

if you want to know what the most beautiful song in the world is it's schubert's "string quintet in c major".

2006-03-02T22:54:00.000-04:00

latest news: me and jason rented clueless last night.
starbucks gave me an ipod shuffle

2006-02-26T10:12:00.000-04:00

montrel was great. i was so nice to get away for a bit. kathy's place was beautiful but sarah and i pretty much trashed it all week with our clothes all over the floor and that huge blow up mattress. i wish we didn't have any work to do but it was fine because we'd study all morning and drink or watch freaks and geeks at night. i love that show! anyways, montreal was fun. i hope kathy didn't mind us too much. i hope we weren't too hard to babysit! spring break was too short. back to school, essays and starbucks.

2006-02-25T21:25:00.000-04:00

kathy looking very happy (i know you hate this photo kathy but i love it!

2006-02-25T21:24:00.001-04:00

graham

2006-02-25T21:24:00.000-04:00

kathy looking sad

2006-02-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

MONTREAL! PARTY!

2006-02-25T21:22:00.000-04:00

sarah

2006-02-15T20:19:00.000-04:00

i hope everyone had a h-o-t v-day

2006-02-13T23:53:00.000-04:00

Tell me no more of minds embracing minds,
And hearts exchang'd for hearts;
That spirits spirits meet, as winds do winds,
And mix their subt'lest parts;
That two unbodied essences may kiss,
And then like Angels, twist and feel one Bliss.
I was that silly thing that once was wrought
To practise this thin love;
I climb'd from sex to soul, from soul to thought;
But thinking there to move,
Headlong I rolled from thought to soul, and then
From soul I lighted at the sex again.
As some strict down-looked men pretend to fast,
Who yet in closets eat;
So lovers who profess they spririts taste,
Feed yet on grosser meat;
I know they boast they souls to souls convey,
Howe'r they meet, the body is the way.
Come, I will undeceive thee, they that tread
Those vain aerial ways
Are like young heirs and alchemists misled
To waste their wealth and days,
For searching thus to be for ever rich,
They only find a med'cine for the itch.

2006-02-11T09:30:00.000-04:00

i want spring to come...

2006-02-10T18:29:00.001-04:00

so here's the news. i haven't been eating so well lately and put on the wieght i lost plus some. i neglected doing anything social or active for a week just so i could procrastinate and finally get my bibliography done an hour before it was due. my feminism and art history class is actually really nice beside the work. i was in a rut for a month and didn't take any photos for my class. i'm not sure if i'm still in a rut.... i'll know when i see the photos i took of alex the other day. i'm excited to go to montreal and to see deanna and kathy. i miss marc but its starting to feel like he wasn't ever here. oh and i also want to have a day that we watch astro boy and jem and tiny toons while eating sugar loaded cereal kraft diner with little veggie dogs and alphabets. this post is sort of like those days were you don't really have anything to make a meal so you eat random crap in you fridge like a piece of bread with mayo on it, a dill pickle and a couple of mints that have been sitting in that candy jar since christmas. its just a mix of junk and in the end you feel like you never really ate anything.

i might delete this post.

basically what i'm trying to say here is all i ever really want to do each day is eat well, go for lots of walks and read jane austen novels.

2006-02-08T16:51:00.000-04:00

i'm having writer's block.

2006-01-31T22:41:00.000-04:00

jill and darcy's pretty feet...

2006-01-25T19:19:00.000-04:00

...

2006-01-25T19:18:00.000-04:00

...

2006-01-25T19:17:00.000-04:00

mom!

2006-01-17T13:56:00.000-04:00

...

2006-01-17T13:24:00.000-04:00

i had a dream last night that marc was driving me, catherine n. and naomi w. (from high school) in little red 2 door sports car. we were driving around rich neighborhoods and looking at all the mansions. marc also had a hamster in the car that kept trying to jump out the window but i would always catch it before it killed itself. what do you think this dream meant?

2006-01-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

...

2006-01-06T00:05:00.000-04:00

...

2006-01-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

hey i need some advice. i'm in a rut. i need you guys to tells me what looks good on me and what doesn't. what cut of clothing looks better. what i should wear more often, what colours i should go for and how i should do my hair. i just want to dress well and i don't want to look like an old lady anymore!

2006-01-02T11:55:00.000-04:00

party!!!!!!!

2006-01-02T11:54:00.000-04:00

...

2006-01-02T11:53:00.001-04:00

party!

2006-01-02T11:53:00.000-04:00

sar, darc and the owl

2006-01-02T11:52:00.002-04:00

party!

2006-01-02T11:52:00.001-04:00

midnight!

2006-01-02T11:52:00.000-04:00

i look really drunk

2006-01-02T11:49:00.000-04:00

potluck!

2005-12-28T23:18:00.000-04:00

...

2005-12-27T17:02:00.000-04:00

every christmas goes by quicker than the last. it felt like all i did was work and shop and work some more.
my family watched uncle buck until 2 am on christmas eve. christmas morning was nice also. we talked to marc on speaker phone with teary eyes. he opened his gift alone in a hotel room in tasmania (it as 1 am boxing day there). we gave him a digi cam so hopefully he'll be able to take and send more pictures.
the rest of the day was spent recklessly driving to aunt blanche's because mom and dad had a big argument while i was at kathy's and mom spent the rest of the evening on the verge of tears.
eating potatoes and coleslaw because everything else was meat, drinking a few glasses of wine which made me extra sensitive to elise's biting critique of personality.
after we got home i spent the rest of the night in my room hanging around, watching movies and talking to jason long distance from p.e.i..

so this christmas was spent either clinging together to make up for the missing person or totally isolating each other by turning that vulnerability into cutting remarks.

2005-12-25T13:27:00.000-04:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

2005-12-13T22:36:00.000-04:00

i am in such a good mood. my critique for the 'little girl lost in the woods' pictures (maybe i should name the project "the wandering bobby-soxer") went really well. i wasn't sure everything would come together well but it did. plus bianca's photos looked awesome big and all together. i also got a billie holiday record from my mom and i bought a couple jems at value which include a virgin mary clock, a couple of x-mas prezzies, lots of kids books and a book that was written for me called Boys and Girls Forever: Children's Classics from Cinderella to Harry Potter. It's a collection of essays by alison lurie: "in the process she reveals how these gifted writers have used children's literature to transfigure sorrow nostalgia, and the struggles of their own experiences."
oh my god.
plus my room is finally clean and it has been snowing in the most beautiful way for a few days now.
i'm starting to feel excited about christmas again.

2005-12-11T22:43:00.000-04:00

i know i post these lyrics all the time but it is such an amazing song

Strange Fruit

Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.
-Billie Holiday

2005-12-08T09:48:00.000-04:00

A true geisha can stop a man in his tracks with a single look

2005-12-01T19:50:00.000-04:00

2005-12-01T18:54:00.000-04:00

i haven't written in a long time because there is nothing new to tell: well that's not true, kathy made a surprise visit that was awesome but too short. oh well i'll get to see you when you come back for christmas!
mostly i've been just sitting in this room and writing essay after essay.
school's been keeping me so preoccupied that i've forgotten how to eat right, i've become more obsessed with reading, i've forgotten how much i miss marc, and that i need to buy pants.
christmas isn't the same this year.
usually at christmas i always insist that everyone has to help decorate the christmas tree (i'm a nerd), but it never really worked out: mom would get mad because we wouldn't help with the lights, dad would would go to bed early or turn off the christmas music so he could watch the news and then elise would get mad at mom for being so cranky. marc would help out a bit but get frustrated with all the noise.....ahhh christmas
this year i started the tree by myself...
the reason why i've been reading so much (especially kids books) is because i feel more grounded in fairytales than i do reality. i feel like i'm just going through the motions, that i'm disconnected from the cold, the early mornings, the bus rides, the hours in the darkroom.. they are all just things i do between reading. i'm around strangers all day and i'm cold cause i'm only wearing a skirt and thin tights. all i really think about is how good it's going to feel when i can go home and put on my pajamas and read. when i read i feel the most comfortable in my skin, the most at-home. i think my eyesight is getting slowly worse because i'm always reading everywhere! i've noticed too that i get especially attached to books that come in series. i become so involved with the stories that i feel like when i finish the last book that a phase of my own life has passed. it's sad you know? i get all nostalgic about it like it was my own childhood.
i have a suspicion that i'm becoming obsessed with collecting small experiences that make me feel young, small and elated again.
i think i have the mean reds, well maybe just the winter blues. the sun goes down so early that i feel sleepy as soon at 5 pm hits. maybe it'll pass when christmas comes and i'll remember that i should invest the time i spend reading towards my actual existence as krista, limardo drive, dartmouth, nova scotia, canada, world.

Holly:You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul: The "mean reds?" You mean, like the blues?
Holly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat or it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Don't you ever get that feeling?
Paul: Sure. Some people call it angst.
Holly: When I get it, what does any good is to jump into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness, the proud look. Nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then... then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name...

2005-11-21T10:19:00.001-04:00

i heart harry potter.

2005-11-16T17:36:00.000-04:00

when people look at my pictures i want them to feel
as if they were reading the line of a poem twice. -robert frank

2005-11-11T22:30:00.000-04:00

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."-crash

2005-11-10T18:34:00.000-04:00

i can post this because emily and sarah did and they can't make fun of me for posting it:

"If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to claw you to shreds!"

who wrote that by the way?: it sounds like a depressed emo kid wrote it.

2005-11-08T18:21:00.000-04:00

happy birthday mom!

2005-11-05T08:25:00.000-04:00

jason won best local film in the coast's best of halifax issue!
i'm so proud of you honey bunch!

2005-11-01T20:53:00.000-04:00

happy

2005-11-01T20:50:00.000-04:00

halloween!

2005-11-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

....

2005-10-26T16:07:00.000-03:00

do you remember what it was like to be small and uninhibited?

2005-10-25T18:20:00.000-03:00

i was sitting in class and watching slides of robert frank's work and i started to wonder. i am always avoiding any reference of the present in my photos. i'm sure there are little clues here and there but they are kept to a minimum. maybe i should stop trying to hide the fact that it's 2005. maybe right now is what i need to photograph. whenever i take photos i think 'what will people see 50 years down the road that i don't see?'. no matter how much i look back, fantasize, idealize the past it is always farther and farther away. when my kids look at my old pictures i want them to see what it was really like to live now, the good and the bad. i think i relish in the nostalgia of old photos, tarnished jewellery and worn down old shoes is because the past is more of a myth or a mystery to me. i'll never see it with my own eyes, talk like they did, see things the way they did. future and technology is always being pushed in my lap through magazines and t.v. ads and it becomes invisible. but i'm thinking now that this is what i should be taking pictures of. every minute that passes is a history: a cloudy, rainy day, a cluster of umbrellas, an untied shoelace. why should i decide that now is not significant just because i feel an angst against the new and the improved. the future for me means urbanization, a dependance on machines and computers, an illusion of security, a false sense of being a highly cultured individual. being cultured today seems to be the abilility to shell out 3 dollars a day for that dopio con panna, reading homer or socrates, saying that eating meat always wrong, or memorizing all the major (as well as the minor) filmmakers and their filmographies just to impress your class.

2005-10-24T17:02:00.000-03:00

other things that have been on my mind:
- lizbeth zwerger: the best new children's illustrator i have seen
-french women directors class is so good: all the movies are cool
-being around alex helps marc to seem not so far away
-being constantly busy and broke is a great way to not feel guilty about treating yourself or taking some down time.

2005-10-24T16:44:00.000-03:00

sometimes i can really be a spoiled bitch.
i think it's time to take longer walks and just watch people.
nothing is more humbling than remembering that the world doesn't revolve around me and my problems.

2005-10-19T12:24:00.000-03:00

it's so cold in this house....

it's like drinking poison. like eating glass
like drinking poison. like eating glass

-bloc party

2005-10-16T13:52:00.000-03:00

marc left this morning on a plane. it feels like amputation.

2005-10-16T13:51:00.000-03:00

....

2005-10-13T20:04:00.000-03:00

i don't think i really realized until this fall what being an adult really meant. i had the vague idea that it included moving out, paying bills, making you own doctors appointments, having a schedule and getting things done on your own.
i forgot that growing up meant moving away from the people who have shared the same house with you for 22 years, having your friends move away and make new lives, being in debt, and spending christmas with someone missing. i'm sure there's more but i don't want to think about it.
this is my theme for my photo project: little girl lost in the woods.
i don't think i'm the only person who feels like that right now.

everything that i love is like sand and it's slipping through my fingers.

2005-10-03T17:20:00.000-03:00

hello.
sorry i haven't written in so long. i hate having no computer at home. i'm at school and i probably should be doing school work, eating supper, or paying my parking ticket but i'm too lazy.
i miss kathy. and darcy and jill and all the people that made dartmouth a funner place to be!
i'm filling up my time so i don't notice the void: doing school work, having good talks with b, and doing jason's homework. i feel busy already. i feel like this time i know that time is passing by quickly. it's already october and the air is cooler. i want to go apple picking with the girls, read some harry potter and watchthe labyrinth and witches.
alas, the girls are all on their own and apple picking season is going to be ending soon. marc will be leaving home to visit sunny australia for 9 months. i hope this christmas isn't a gloomy one. even harry potter books seem a bit juvenile to me. sorry this post is boring or maybe even a bit morose. i really am still very happy a lot of the time. but right now i feel very.....sedated. maybe i'm growing up.
i don't wanna grow up.

i need some ice cream and ballons.

2005-09-02T09:56:00.000-03:00

well school is starting soon so i have a feeling i'll be posting more.
sad things about this year:
-kathy moved to montreal, darcy moved to n.b. :( it's getting lonelier here..
-i still can't afford to move out
-marc is going to australia for 9 months

happy things:- jason and emily going to my school...

2005-07-14T21:08:00.000-03:00

jason makes me smile.....
we've been thisclose lately
he's been working really hard on his movie
so everyone should come out and support him
it's called the teeth beneath and it's playing at midnight on saturday july 16th
at the oxford theather in halifax. please please come
you'll get to see me playing a buxom wench and i look like a bloated chipmunk
as well as a killer pink bunny
lots'o fun!
check out the trailer at:

http://www.proskates.com/

2005-06-22T09:03:00.000-03:00

i hate it when "what ifs" keep you up at night.
like what if i fail at photography and i end up doing sears portraits for the rest of my life.
sometimes it really scary to think how little i know about what i'm doing.

2005-06-16T11:35:00.000-03:00

back home to my small room and rainy weather....

2005-06-14T11:50:00.000-03:00

road trip 2005 was great: in the 2 days on the road and 2 days in lennoxville and montreal we listened to iron and wine, blondie, the strokes, the bloc party, old rap, motown and the shangri-las.
visited gas stations, the little red caboose and danced to ra-ra-rasputin outside of a u.s. harveys.
we saw a dishwasher thrown of off a 4th floor balcony, played some foosball, slept in a king sized bed where millions of other girls have probably slept before and drove to montreal with a slight hangover.
in montreal we saw more skinny girls than ever before, met our guardian angel charlie "chuck", shopped at urban outfitters, spent lots of money, sweated off 5 pounds in the heat, met grumpy parking nazi, napped, went for a swim, got dolled up for downtown during grand pre weekend, met up with some aussies, saw vin diesel, got free drinks, went to a creepy sex club, lost deanna, i cried in a stairwell, deanna molested a girl.
saturday we got up late, went to second cup to pick up drinks, sarah got lost for two hours in crazy montreal traffic, thugs said to us "hey you little dirties get the fuck back here!", drove to lennoxville, stopped of at the cute little hotdog stand with the cauldron where the cute old man was actually crazy and chased us of his property.
we saw guys have a puking competition of their balcony, drank in a gazebo, went to the "cappucino", danced to micheal jacskon at "the lion", slept in a car and then that same king sized bed.
on the way home on sunday we drove for 13 hours on barley any sleep, got stuck in a raintstorm, dee peed in the rainstorm, talked and got home at 12:30.

2005-06-07T00:01:00.000-03:00

i'm trying to learn this song on my brother's guitar but i can only play the first few bars. my dad used to play this song all the time when i was a kid. i hated it. i said it was "too morbid" (an exact quote). now it's nostalgic. it sounds like brown carpet, being small, rainy days and colour photos that are beginning to yellow.

Well I'll be damned Here comes your ghost again But that's not unusual It's just that the moon is full And you happened to call And here I sit Hand on the telephone Hearing a voice I'd known A couple of light years ago Heading straight for a fall As I remember your eyes Were bluer than robin's eggs My poetry was lousy you said Where are you calling from? A booth in the midwest Ten years ago I bought you some cufflinks You brought me something We both know what memories can bring They bring diamonds and rust Well you burst on the scene Already a legend The unwashed phenomenon The original vagabond You strayed into my arms And there you stayed Temporarily lost at sea The Madonna was yours for free Yes the girl on the half-shell Would keep you unharmed Now I see you standing With brown leaves falling around And snow in your hair Now you're smiling out the window Of that crummy hotel Over Washington Square Our breath comes out white clouds Mingles and hangs in the air Speaking strictly for me We both could have died then and there Now you're telling me You're not nostalgic Then give me another word for it You who are so good with words And at keeping things vague Because I need some of that vagueness now It's all come back too clearly Yes I loved you dearly And if you're offering me diamonds and rust I've already paid
"Diamonds & Rust" by Joan Baez

2005-05-30T10:39:00.000-03:00

recently i:
-found a bunch of old negatives that i'll print when i go back to school
-saw joel plaskett at the rebecca cohn and it was worth the $20
-bought a light meter of ebay from a guy that lives across the harbour
-worked worked worked!

blogs seem kind of empty lately: i guess it's because we're not as lonely and seperated as we were during the school year.

2005-05-19T11:03:00.000-03:00

my mom just came across a gold mine of old negatives from the 60's and 70's.

a fucking gold mine.

2005-05-18T11:07:00.000-03:00

i love the chickenburger

2005-05-12T09:36:00.000-03:00

in the past six days i:
-smoked pot for the first time
-got rediculously drunk and did interpetive dance at matt and chris' party
-celebrated mother's day hungover
-only went jogging once
-played frisbee in the chapter's parking lot until 1 am
-talked to marc until 2 am
-bummed around the house
-had marc play his guitar for me
-learned how to knit
-worked
-went to the beach
-made a delicious dinner with marc and d
-watched "a life less ordinary"

it's been a pretty eventful week for me...

2005-05-07T10:35:00.000-03:00

i hate that moment when up until then everything is great and then all it takes is one sufficiently akward moment to make you suddenly sober up and then the whole day is lost because all you can focus on is how quickly things wind down.

2005-05-03T10:07:00.000-03:00

pretty

2005-05-01T17:46:00.000-03:00

for the past three days the weather has turned me into a hermit.
however, deanna's back, i'm excited about a photo date with b and i'm hanging out with kathy tonight.
i also hear the sun is going to come out of hiding soon.
summer is slowly appearing in small places...

2005-04-27T22:36:00.000-03:00

bianca: if you are having trouble with friends, just remember:
-i'll never ask "that's pretty but what's the point of making it?"
-i'll never never get mad if you lose touch with me for awhile
-i don't have any wierd past relationships or love triangles with anyone you know.
-you're my photo soulmate!

xxx kris

2005-04-24T11:24:00.000-03:00

summer projects: glamour portraits, umbrella/pony, harlem nocturne and more book characters.....
i need a light meter!

2005-04-21T23:00:00.000-03:00

i would like to take pictures of all my friends in the style of vintage movie stars from the 30's/40's. anyone interested?
all it takes is a lot of hair products some sparkly jewels and about a pound of makeup.
i want to have a collection and then i'll get everyone to autograph their photo with a gold marker saying things like:
"love always, ________"
"xoxo, ________"
"you're fabulous, love ______"
"thanks for everything, love _____"

2005-04-19T20:45:00.000-03:00

yay! i'm done!

2005-04-17T17:13:00.000-03:00

i was printing photos for 13 hours yesterday and the whole time i listened to the oldies station. i sank into the nostagia of last summer: the beach, swimming, bbq's and chickenburger. i could almost smell the fries and milkshakes and hear the click of the records changing to play locomotion. i can't wait for dee to come home so we can spend the day at the beach and go there for an ice cream and the jukebox. ahhhh, summer. i've missed you!

My love must be a kind of blind love/ I can't see anyone but you /And dear, I wonder if you find love/An optical illusion, too?
Are the stars out tonight?/ I don't know if it's cloudy or bright/ 'Cause I only have eyes for you, dear/ The moon may be high /But I can't see a thing in the sky /'Cause I only have eyes for you./ I don't know if we're in a garden/ Or on a crowded avenue/ You are here, so am I/ Maybe millions of people go by/ But they all disappear from view/ And I only have eyes for you. - the Flamingos

2005-04-14T21:20:00.000-03:00

you know what.....i've been thinking dreaming and making photos for at least 2 weeks straight now and today i was thinking how nice it is, at the end of the day, to go home.
today i missed my bus or it just didn't come, so it took me an hour to get home.
i was cold, tired, hungry and stressed but as soon as i sit down to eat my supper my mom goes on her daily rant about how much her life sucks.
now i know she's mom but seriously: i feel like telling her to fuck off.
i hate it when all people do is complain about their shitty lives and everyone has disappointed them and how they dont' have friends/ a life/ money/hobbies/ a husband who listens. just grow the fuck up: life doesn't owe you anything and if you want to change your situation then just do it. don't wait 22 years so you can bitch about your marital problems to your daughter who really just wants love her parents but ends up crying because they make it so god damn hard.

2005-04-13T00:03:00.000-03:00

at least bianca's there....

2005-04-11T18:53:00.000-03:00

i've been living at school

2005-04-10T11:23:00.000-03:00

2005-04-07T15:59:00.000-03:00

all of the sudden my throat was stinging, my eyes watered and my voice quivered and sounded unnatural. i was back in elementary school again with a dumb haircut, mouth ajar and saying stupid things that get you teased.

2005-04-04T19:08:00.000-03:00

i can't wait for the summer....i can almost smell it....

2005-03-31T22:49:00.000-04:00

that nscad wearable art show was great. the clothes the music it was so chic in a oo-la-la kind of way. it was super crowded and b and i didn't have any space to take pictures for the show. also, people kept saying i was in their way. i should have told them i was the show photographer but instead i squated in the isle the whole time and would jump up to shoot when the models came out.
i walked with a limp today and had to walk down stairs one at a time and grasping the handrails.
something nice happened last night though.
i met someone who left me a cute note awhile ago in a book i was reading. it made me happy. i told him i kept the letter.
hopefully tomorrow will be filled to the brim. a photoshoot, sin city with j and maybe a concert with kathy

xxx
kris

best say anything line: "if you start out depressed everything seems like a pleasant surprise."

2005-03-26T22:57:00.001-04:00

the best parts of anna karenin:

"standing in chruch at the first service, Levin tried to revive his youthful recollections of intense religious emotion he had experienced between the ages of sixteen and seventeen. but he was immediatly convinced that it was out of his power to do so. he attempted to look on it all as a meaningless, empty custom, like the custom of paying calls, but he felt he could not do that either. like the majority of his contemporaries, levin found himself in the vaguest position in regard to religion. believe it he could not, and at the same time he had no firm conviction that it was all untrue. and so, unable either to believe in the significance of what he was doing or to regard it with indifference as an empty formality, all the time preparing for the sacrament he was conscious of a feeling of discomfort and shame at taking part in something he did not understand, which was therfore, an inner voice told him, deceitful and wrong of him"

"he knew she was there by the joy and the terror that seized his heart. she was standing there talking to a lady at the opposite end of the rink. there was apparently nothing particularly striking either in her dress or her attitude; but for levin it was as easy to find her in that crowd as to see a rose among nettles. she made everything bright. she was the smile that shed light on all around her.'can i really step on to the ice and go up to her?' he wondered. the spot where she stood seemed to him unapproachable holy ground and there was one moment when he nearly turned away, so filled with awe was he. he had to make an effort and reason with himsel that all sorts of people were moving about her and that he too might come there just to skate. he walked down, for a long while averting his eyes from her, as though she were the sun, but seeing her, as one sees the sun, without looking."

2005-03-23T11:49:00.001-04:00

if there was ever a movie that made me want to move to the country, grow my own vegetables and never own a car, cellphone or palmpilot, it's Koyaaniqatsi. it's an hour and a half long documentary, no dialogue, only music and images and i think everyone should see this movie. (even if it makes you sleepy)

ko.yaa.nis.katsi (from the Hopi language), n. 1. crazy life. 2. life in turmoil. 3. life disintegrating. 4. life out of balance. 5. a state of life that calls for another way of living.