i was sewing my homework for fashion contruction last night and i needed something to listen to and so, i played rainer maria. it's amazing the kind of memories music can hold. i get such a strong sense of that way my days were filled and how i was feeling but i can't pinpoint it. it's too abstract for words. i was reminded of how i felt in spring 2002. joey had just left. i was a wreck. i saw my friends a lot more. it was getting warm out. i was working at second cup and i had just finished my first semester at nscad. on darcy's birthday all the girls drove around in bedford and sang at the top of our lungs to rainer maria. i think i was learning that your heart could bounce back from heartache. that you had a little bite of what real pain was and you were churning all that hurt and disappointment into strength. a small bit of rage that could help you deal with any bad cards sent your way. i felt that i was growing up and that i was going to be ok. one of the things that helped me start the day was that red burnt cd. the song at the start of this cd that i listened to first thing every morning was breakfast of champions:

wake me up this morning
and take me down to the corner place
before the shade retreats behind the wall
and i decide to stay here
cup of tea, blackberry
everything's alright now
don't let me sleep
easier to drive
leave the oven on
burn the house down
it was warm and pleasant and over in an instant
i feel like i dreamt it
but it's not there now

golden gate bridge
everything's alright.