today feels kind of sad. i realize i haven't been on here in forever. we don't have the money to fix our internet connection so i'm just waiting....and waiting....i can't even visit my friends journals....i'm going to have a lot to read whenever we do get the internet back...
anyways...
today feels kind of sad. i'm feeling old and left behind. everyone is busy and moving and changing and i feel suffocated, the air seems stagnant and i get headaches a lot. i am really starting to be aware of my little cage. i don't mean to describe halifax that way but sometimes it feels like that wether it's physically or just my head i feel weighed down. it doesn't seem logical to think that you could do something better somewhere else....or that you could be something different if you could just live in a different place. i think what i want to escape from is something not unique to nova scotia. i think it has to do with something very personal to me. baggage i've collected and can't let go of yet. i have a strange feeling that if i go somewhere it will seem good for a time but then the same self-doubt will creep back up on me..."what am i doing here?" "where am i going?"
i feel like i'm waiting for something to happen, for my life to start. i have to keep reminding myself that this is it. this is life. you get up, work, eat, read, go to sleep....it's always the same, and that kind of daily ritual won't go away...there's always the potential there to become bored...
i'll have to find a trick to keep the excitement running and my heart pumping.