wow. it's been a long long time.

The rest of this journal is painfully painfully embarrassing to me. the same way my emo poetry from high school is just asking to be burned. 

anyways. i thought i would start keeping a journal again. who knows if it will last but we'll see. i'm moving to halifax in a month to live in a beautiful old home with 3 of my favorite people.  i'm pretty excited/poor. hopefully this situation will help me figure some things out. mainly: what am i doing with my life? what should i do for a living? what do i want?

that is a lot of "I" but that is the stage i've reached. i've got 4 years to figure my life out. i feel like 30 is a good deadline. 

i haven't been taking a lot of photos this summer. something i hope to remedy this fall. i'm thinking about going back to school for graphic design. it's taken me 6 years to figure out that my mom was probably right. 

i need to move out. to darmouth. the halifax side is over-rated.

i was a shy kid. i was a bit of a dreamer. a little out of touch with reality. of course, it was probably just my ADD, but this tendency to drift off, to not pay attention got me in trouble most times. i thought i was stupid, why couldn't i just pay attention? why did i always get information mixed up? i grew up thinking i was stupid, and i thought by asking questions it would just make me sound dumber. well i've sort of retained this habit into my adult life. i'm an art school graduate but i feel like i don't know anything so i'm afraid to apply for jobs because i feel i'm unqualified. i don't think it's so much that i lack the ambition. i lack the confidence, and feeling afraid of letting people down is what has me living in a cramped little room, in lonely halifax with that big elephant in the corner of my room: what the hell am i doing with my life?

i don't wanna grow up.....

i'm in glovertown and for the past week i've been : playing cards, eating lots of carbohydrates and listening and playing gospel music. only two more weeks left!

"softly and tenderly jesus is calling"

hey. so i'm sure no one reads this anymore since i haven't posted in forever but there's really nothing crazy about my life right now. this is what has happened in the past little bit:
nicole moved out, deanna moved in, kathy came home for her b-day, i saw a bad movie by myself, i see jason more, i've only gone to school twice since the course started, i need a computer really badly and marc will be home in a month! tell me something interesting . i'm trying to dig myself out of a rut.

besides mulatu astatke i have heared two other songs that make me happy: "i know what boys like" by the waitresses and "how it ends" by devotcha. also my new favorite movies are memoirs of a geisha and everything is illuminated (pictured above). i wish i had a computer. i will post photos of the apartment soon!

3 thing that have happened to me in the past week:
1. i graduated! what am i going to do now?
2. i'm moving out. you can see the governor generals house from my living room window.
3. someone saw my work at the grad exhibition and is interested in it for a gallery show? i think/hope. we'll see!

p.s.: i will post pics of our flat when it is complete!

happy 90th birthday grampy!

mulatu astatke's ethiopian jazz is so hot. it sounds like incense, dimly lit rooms and sex.

1. gubelye
2. yekerme sew

oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. i have two days of school left and i don't know anything. i'm so screwed.

i'm busy emily! give me a break! so this is what's new: i had my last art history class yesterday! yay! no more papers. now all i have to do is put together a portfolio of my work for wednesday which means i have to spend the next few days in my room basking in the smell of pm solution (smells like turpentine) and paint the rest of these photos. i also have to reprint a bunch of old photos i did so i will probably not see any of you until wednesday besides work. i want to go out with a bunch of people. does anyone want to have some wine and go and see what brightwood looks like at night?

p.s.: i think i might be taking a summer course just so i can use the nscad facilities. i'm so excited.

"nature seemed to me benign and good; i thought she loved me, outcast as i was; and i, who from man could anticipate only mistrust, rejection, insult, clung to her with filial fondness. to-night, at least, i would be her guest-as i was her child: my mother would lodge me without money and withouth price." -jane eyre

my new favorite thing is brightwood. you know, the golf course that is smack in the middle of dartmouth, where i remember drinking before dances in highschool (correction: other people drinking), cutting through on the way home from school and sledding. for the past week i've been walking there and i don't know why i never thought to go there before. just a 5 minute walk from my house is a place that looks a little bit like a garden of eden. it looks like i just stepped out of dartmouth and into english countryside. if i could only photoshop out the ugly architecture of the city as well as the smoke stacks and mute the white noise of the traffic it would be 100% complete. not to mention the fact that everything looks more beautiful if your listening to shubert debussy or liszt on your ipod shuffle. i think all the austen and bronte novels have gone to my head. i want to live in 19th century england. maybe the year 1815.

i'm such a goth. 

"a prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages"

the femme fatale

"all the orient is in your smile/mysterious as river nile/and you stole my heart/with your winning art/and the egypt in your smile..."

if you want to know what the most beautiful song in the world is it's schubert's "string quintet in c major".

latest news: me and jason rented clueless last night.
starbucks gave me an ipod shuffle

montrel was great. i was so nice to get away for a bit. kathy's place was beautiful but sarah and i pretty much trashed it all week with our clothes all over the floor and that huge blow up mattress. i wish we didn't have any work to do but it was fine because we'd study all morning and drink or watch freaks and geeks at night. i love that show! anyways, montreal was fun. i hope kathy didn't mind us too much. i hope we weren't too hard to babysit! spring break was too short. back to school, essays and starbucks.

kathy looking very happy (i know you hate this photo kathy but i love it! 

graham 

kathy looking sad 

MONTREAL! PARTY! 

sarah 

i hope everyone had a h-o-t v-day 

Tell me no more of minds embracing minds,
And hearts exchang'd for hearts;
That spirits spirits meet, as winds do winds,
And mix their subt'lest parts;
That two unbodied essences may kiss,
And then like Angels, twist and feel one Bliss.
I was that silly thing that once was wrought
To practise this thin love;
I climb'd from sex to soul, from soul to thought;
But thinking there to move,
Headlong I rolled from thought to soul, and then
From soul I lighted at the sex again.
As some strict down-looked men pretend to fast,
Who yet in closets eat;
So lovers who profess they spririts taste,
Feed yet on grosser meat;
I know they boast they souls to souls convey,
Howe'r they meet, the body is the way.
Come, I will undeceive thee, they that tread
Those vain aerial ways
Are like young heirs and alchemists misled
To waste their wealth and days,
For searching thus to be for ever rich,
They only find a med'cine for the itch.
 

i want spring to come... 

so here's the news. i haven't been eating so well lately and put on the wieght i lost plus some. i neglected doing anything social or active for a week just so i could procrastinate and finally get my bibliography done an hour before it was due. my feminism and art history class is actually really nice beside the work. i was in a rut for a month and didn't take any photos for my class. i'm not sure if i'm still in a rut.... i'll know when i see the photos i took of alex the other day. i'm excited to go to montreal and to see deanna and kathy. i miss marc but its starting to feel like he wasn't ever here. oh and i also want to have a day that we watch astro boy and jem and tiny toons while eating sugar loaded cereal kraft diner with little veggie dogs and alphabets. this post is sort of like those days were you don't really have anything to make a meal so you eat random crap in you fridge like a piece of bread with mayo on it, a dill pickle and a couple of mints that have been sitting in that candy jar since christmas. its just a mix of junk and in the end you feel like you never really ate anything.

i might delete this post.

basically what i'm trying to say here is all i ever really want to do each day is eat well, go for lots of walks and read jane austen novels.

i'm having writer's block.

jill and darcy's pretty feet... 

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mom! 

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i had a dream last night that marc was driving me, catherine n. and naomi w. (from high school) in little red 2 door sports car. we were driving around rich neighborhoods and looking at all the mansions. marc also had a hamster in the car that kept trying to jump out the window but i would always catch it before it killed itself. what do you think this dream meant?

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