Tuesday, August 31, 2004

all life is, is the fluttering of a heartbeat, the batting of the lashes, the pumping of air from the lungs and the hours in between: sleeping.
a series of passing streaks of light, a dimness with outlines of blurry forms, a haze of grey and rare splotches of brilliant colour...

Sunday, August 29, 2004


last night me and dee went on a free tour of the observatory at SMU. we looked through a big telescope at star clusters and dying stars and so on. this picture is of star clouds... ( or maybe the birth of stars?). beautiful. fucking beautiful. and we can't ruin it. it's beautiful and perfect and untouched. it is so reassuring to know that this little insignificant planet isn't the only things out there. that it's not the answer to all the questions. it's more comforting to me than church or money or anything that people hold onto so tightely. deanna says it scares her but it's so nice to know that there so much out there beyond our understanding and comprehension. the stars make everyone look like small children and i like that. it's puts everything into perspective. it gives me something put my faith in. more people should look at the stars. maybe then we would lighten up and have a sense of awe and wonder instead of clinging so bitterly to all the superficial substance around us. these small little points of lights start my little heart to beat quicker, my pupils to dilate and my breath to hush a bit. thanks for taking me with you deedee. it made me remember...

*and now the purple dust of twilight time steals across the meadows of my heart. now the little stars, the little stars pine always reminding me that we're apart* Posted by Hello

Friday, August 27, 2004

i've said it before and i'll say it again:
the days aren't long enough to get my word in.

Thursday, August 26, 2004


they were always like to people talking to each other in different
languages. but she loved him so much that, when he withdrew as
he had now done, it was like the warm sun was going down and
leaving her in chilly twilight dews...
-gone with the wind Posted by Hello

you know what? halifax/dartmouth is a nice place to live. i love my friends and my family. i am still living at home but i like it. i'm not fat or ugly. i like my job and i have two more years at a school which i like and then i'll graduate to hopefully become a freelance photographer and travel the globe. that doesn't sound bad at all. if you have one lime* and someone else has two does it make your lime* any less valuable?

*read "little women"

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


happy birthday jason! Posted by Hello

Monday, August 23, 2004

last night dee picked me up from work and we drove to the chicken burger. we listened to oldies all the way down and when we got there we each had 4 quarters for the jukebox. we sat and ate ice cream and smiled. it was so perfect and for some reason i felt that i might even cry. it just made me think of how nice that drive down to bedford was, listening to "only you" and laying your arm out the window to feel the cool night air, and how in two weeks it will only be a memory to look back to when you're taking the bus to school everyday. i wish i could just keep everyone with me or at least that all our plans and dreams aligned so that the people i love the most would always be close to me. there is nothing like the overwhelming feeling of friendship. sometimes i sit back and recline from the conversation and think about how much luck it is for me to find such a great group of friends. and even though there can be petty differences and sometimes someone's feeling are hurt they still retain that sense of something unbreakable and strong. even though sometimes it's hard to see when everyone get so busy during the school year with their own lives. how is it possible that i should meet so many great people? and to call them my friends is one of the greatest compliments i've ever gotten. this entry sounds really sappy and stupid i know but i woke up this morning and it was on my mind. and i don't know why but i feel like maybe i should say it more often: how much i have enjoyed knowing all of you. so here is what i hope for all of you but i'm not going to name any names....i'll just let you figure it out:
-no matter how busy we get with each others lives you are like a sister to me and i know that we'll know each other even in old age.
- you are one of the most hardworking and honest people i have ever met: you deserve every success that comes your way and i hope you come back next summer for more beach time.
- even if your plans fell through i hope maybe a new home in halifax will give you some sense of escape and if it doesn't work out that way we'll have to break up the monotony of dartmouth and do something crazy...
- you have always been extraordinarily unselfish and have always worn your heart on your sleeve. i love you for it and i want to do the same.
-even though it's such a cliche to say it losing someone you loved for so long really, really will make you stronger in the long run.
-i've never seen anything but admirable qualities in you: i look up to you for your kindness and compassion.
- i hope everything is going well where you are. dartmouth won't be the same without you...

xoxo kris

Friday, August 20, 2004

so let's recap last night shall we? i went to keep sarah company in her big dark house on the lake last night. her parents were away and we both had to work in the morning. we talked for a bit and probably fell asleep about 1. at about 3 am i sat straight up and awake at the loud clap of thunder and lighting. it was hard going back to sleep so sarah and i talked for a bit. big mistake: talking about being home alone and break-ins. at 4 am the door bell rang. we got the creeps and while trying to decide to answer it or not it rang again. carter started to bark. i told sarah i would go to the door with her. she said she would call willis to come over. when she picked up the phone it was dead. we heard the front door handle jiggle and a flashlight in the backward coming up to her patio door. so here was our options: 1) run to the nieghbors 2) hide in her closet. we chose the closet. so picture this: sarah and i crying in her closet, looking through the slits as a figure approaches her window with a flashlight. and trying to keep as quiet as possible as someone is banging at the front door and jiggling the knob. when the light moved from the window we heard a "hello?". sarah with her most intimidating voice asks who's there and what do they want. we hear a voice mention something about an alarm and sarah runs to another room to look out a front window and says it's the police. she opens the doors and the alarm goes off. it's now probably 4:10 am and two young, good-looking policemen are standing on her front steps with her dad's secretary who didn't look very impressed at being woken up. so as these young policemen are explaining that the house alarm went off, me and sarah are doubled over, hair a mess, no bras, crying and laughing hysterically with relief. shocked at the fact that just minutes before we were so sure something terrible was about to happen. the police left with dazed looks on their faces and sarah and i mumbled a goodbye and we went back to her room where we failed to fall asleep before her 6:20 am alarm went off. then we drove to work to face a constant line of customers and lattes and frappucinos with only three people working. good times. nice to know that the scariest night of my life was preceded by the crappiest day. i can't wait to go to bed.

sarah: thanks for the intro.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights: the accumulations of a lifetime gather there. In places the palimpsest is so heavily worked that the letters feel like braille. -j.w.


Monday, August 16, 2004

the last couple of days have been sort of lonely somehow. i can feel my eyes tearing at the slightest pang to my heart. i'm just going to chalk it up to pms. although that's what i always do. everything always seems like such a big deal around this time of the month. it might be different for other girls but i always feel this intense feeling of loneliness. and this feeling doesn't subside even in a crowded room. i can't explain it but i know it even goes so far as feeling like there's not even something spiritual to comfort me.
saturday was sarah's birthday party and jill's last night in dartmouth. i gave sarah her bike from kathy and i. i'm glad she liked it. i want to get a bike now. kathy had some people over to relax and drink. i was sort of bothered that some people didn't show. i know sarah and i always talk about how friends should put in the effort of spending time with each other even if it's somewhere you might not feel like going. to put aside your laziness or your self-conscieness or your high ideals to spend time with someone you love. anyway, i drank a half a bottle of wine but it made me feel gross and not the least bit buzzed. so i kind of retreated to the corner where i read vegetarian recipe books and watched people socialize.
i felt i didn't really add to the conversation so i just listen and watch people's reactions which is more of what i used to do. for some odd reason i felt like sarah was leaving too. i know her flight from this place didn't work out but she may be moving to halifax and that will be one more person that the bridge will come between. it's funny how a bridge can make all the difference. it's kind of launching me into feeling older and growing up which is something i wanted to put off for as long as possible. when your a kid you rely on so many things for comfort and consistency. parents, the holidays, a favorite doll. and after those all loose their magic i find the thing that comforts me the most now is my friends. so maybe i'm feeling a bit worried that everyone will fall away from each other and i won't have my pretty web to land on. i don't want to leave my friends and get married, have kids and realize when i'm 45 that i don't have any girlfriends to talk to about sex, getting older or what keeps me up at night. i've seen what it does to my mom and i don't want to be old and bitter. i think friends are the secret recipe for staying young and fresh and alive...

Friday, August 13, 2004

it's hard to think that the people you know so well now will all start to break away from the tiny little world you have built around them.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004


words may not convey it,
say it with a kiss,
and your look might speak a book
that my eyes might miss,
you don't have to know the words
to love's familiar tune,
say it with a kiss
and say it soon...
-billie
Posted by Hello


Tuesday, August 10, 2004

i'm kind of excited for the fall. i have a line up of fall reading to do. first james and the giant peach, then witches by roald dahl, then i'm going to start the harry potter series. i now it's everywhere and it's like a dumb trend but i'm not going to let that stop me from reading what i want to. they have to be good if it started kids reading again. so i'm excited. i know they're kid's books but i think it will add to that feeling of being a kid leading up to christmas. lately i've been missing sweaters, twinkle lights, sugar cookies, hot chocolate and old christmas songs. heehee. i get the shivers just thinking about it. and i'm sure everyone hates me now for reminding them. ...
but you know what? i don't care. i'm giddy.

Monday, August 09, 2004


it's wierd. for the past couple of years i haven't been going to church. it's not that i don't believe in god anymore but i was starting to feel like i was lying. i was starting to realize that i didn't have my eyes closed when praying. that i didn't have the same look of unconditional belief and love for religion as everyone around me. so, i stopped going and hoped that if there was a god, he would understand my reasons and know that if i came back to him it would be with a stronger belief than if i had never doubted him at all. last night i came home to the news that my grampy was missing. he's old, frail, and confused, he never goes out in his car at night but it was almost 10 and he had been gone for three hours and my uncles and my parents went out driving around looking in empty parking lots and the couple places he ventures with his car. it might seem like overreacting but the way my dad looked when he was talking to the police was one that would warrant worrying. i found myself saying in my head: "please god, please, please let him be safe". the phone rang. it was grampy. he was at the motherhouse where nuns live at mount st. vincent's university. my aunt had just begun to hold grampy's rosary to her heart when she got the phone call from my mom that he was safe. of all the places he could have gone. he drove all the way to bedford and took a random turn onto the little road that made it's way up to a motherhouse. is that wierd or is it just me?
on another note: p.e.i. was great .i drove up with j and his brother. we went to a drive in movie, met all his relatives, got dressed up for a wedding and danced all night with j and once to elvis' "love me tender". on saturday i met up with sarah, kathy and darcy in charlottown and said goodbye to j. we went shopping for old records and used books, had some lunch in a cafe and took a nice drive back to our motel. we went to see a play about patsy cline that night with a room full of seniors. it was nice and on the way back to the motel we yelled out at people. yesterday was the perfect day. we slowly made the drive back home. stopping into antique stores. taking pictures of baby goats and llamas at a fabric mill. getting an ice cream before making a trip across the ferry. it woud be nice to take trips like that every once and awhile even if they're only a couple hours away. sometimes people take for granted that all they need to break away is a full tank of gas and a couple of good friends. even if it's only for a day. Posted by Hello

Thursday, August 05, 2004


i love road trips. especially ones that include p.e.i., a patsy cline
tribute, a wedding, camping and a bunch of giddy girls... Posted by Hello

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

he built a cage some time ago. he keeps himself there alone. with maybe the company of one friend. a lack of drive or want. he has droopy lids and a dull stare. i go to say something encouraging but nothing comes out because i don't have anything encouraging to say.

...also envy is one of the most vain and painful feelings i've felt.

Monday, August 02, 2004

you know it's going to be a good or at least interesting night when it starts off with your parents gone, a hot summer night, shots of rum, and tiki lanterns. marc and alex (brian) drove a very very happy and drunk dee, sarah and me to of all places ....the dome. it was dead when we got there but by 1 am it was packed. rico and philip from 5 fish showed up and we stuck by them because they were gentlemen. faking bad aussie accents again and avoiding creepy guys. dancing with sailors who think that you dig them but really you just can't stop laughing because they look like they belong in the village people. i was really really happy and hugged people a lot. just like every other drunk girl i've ever made fun of. we stayed till the lights came on and philip started to act wierd and just left things on a odd note. we went to pizza corner and sarah was so beautiful that a guy cut her pizza in 3 for her. he said her mouth was just too small and pretty to eat such a big piece. we got a cab back with some guys at around 5 am and we took over all the empty beds in my house. i woke up around 8 and vehemently started to clean my kitchen. woke dee and sarah up a few times and we had a really hungover breakfast before we went to work for the 6 hours natal day shift. three hung over girls, our boss and a line up of customers. that's when it hit me why i don't go out very often. but all in all a fun filled night.

don't do that. don't let me believe it's nothing if it's really something.