We were fading like the bottom of a bad dream. We were heading south looking for a good time. Faces look so pretty in the spotlight. All blown out and bathed inside a world of white. Sometimes I feel like I am holding it together. Sometimes I feel like everything is fine. Sometimes I feel like I am out of control. I feel like I am falling… Like my life is on a slide...-everclear

my feelings for you cannot be measured in words or even in miles.


thanks for the visit.
please do it more often...
i know it doesn't seem like much
but it means so much to me.

today is erin's birthday...we went to la cave and i had bruschetta and wine. i wonder why every time i drink i feel like being around j. maybe because my timidness fades and my tongue loosens and i can tell him just how much he means to me without having it sound like i have to spit the words out.

there are a lot of german boys around scotia square mall lately. they can be kind of intimidating but maybe it's because their accents seem harsh sometimes. there was, however, a very nice german boy who smiled a lot and asked if i was over 19. i'm not sure why because his next question was if he could borrow a chair for a minute....
*is it hot in here? why are my cheeks blushing?*
i need to learn german.



GODSPELL!

my head is heavy and the light in here seems dull.
i think i'm getting sick...


dull:lacking brilliance or luster

i just got another job so i'm pretty much going to be working full time now. i'm excited but kind of anxious....i guess i'll find out what's really important to me: will the money make up for all the sunny days i'll be missing?....i don't think it will....but....i need the money for a camera and perhaps an exchange in january. i also have a expense that i promised i'd share with b and i have put off for far too long...
i can't wait for beach weather.
my summer soundtrack will be the ramones, desmond dekker and 50's surf music.
i want to have a hawaiien bbq party and play old hawaiien music records.
i want to ignore my shoes.
i want to swing on my swing all say and listen to billie holiday and read east of eden and gone with the wind.
i want this summer to be sexy.
winkwink
ciao!

no more quizzes....at least not for awhile. i wish it was sunny and warm. this isn't a very exciting dartmouth day. i'm thinking about kathy. sometimes i worry. i hope she doesn't lose her sense of silliness. that would be tragic. i need to call bianca soon and have a anti-candy/pro-fruit day. i wish she lived closer. i hate it when you meet people you really like but can't get in the time to get past the beginning. your train of thought wanders: ...*silence* is she bored?...i AM boring...maybe if i was more outgoing.....
i like being so comfortable with someone that you could be honest enough to suggest something you really wanted to do....and when you say you don't care you really mean it....instead of pretending. i want to talk about more than cute boys or weight or things we "HAVE to do this summer" but never get around to doing. however, i never make the first step. i should.
i went for a jog today.
maybe it will help me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

i stole this fucker from sarah!:

10 foods I like to eat
-pizza
-veggie sushi
-ice chai lattes
-espresso chiller
-anything chocolate
-fruit fruit and more fruit
-ice cream
-lentils and rice
-cereal with soy milk

9 things I like about my (girl) friends
-we have a sort of understanding that we're all busy doing our own things and it never seems like we've lost anything when we get together again.
-we really DO have tea parties and photo shoots
-i adore them all dearly and they don't get on my nerves even though we're all so different
-they are always up for helping me out with photo projects
-They know how to have fun
-we dance up a storm on retro night
-we can talk about boys and clothes or philosophy
-they're all beautiful in their unique way
-they hang out with me!


8 of my dreams
-To move to Europe and live in a small villa
-To swim everyday
-to live by the ocean
-to travel the world
-to take good photos for the rest of my life
-to be a photographer for an awesome magazine
-to go barefoot as often as possible
-to fall in love with a nice good looking boy who likes to read and we'll have one of those unusually passionate marriages where people have sex until they're on their death bed

7 things I do on a regular basis
-Brush my teeth
-drink cranberry juice
-read
-buy too many books
-smile
-talk to jason on the phone until 1 am
-watch movies

6 things I like to wear
-pointy shoes
-sundresses
-red lipstick and blush
-black
-tiny pearl earrings
-stripes and lace

5 places I want to visit/live
-France
-Italy
-Mexico
-Sweden
-everywhere (visit)

4 favorite childhood activities
-swimming
-riding my pink bike
-watching saturday morning cartoons
-drawing

3 things I would like to change about myself
-be more honest
-more independent
-to be smarter

2 unanswered questions
-should i live my life like i want to or should i use it only to help other people?
-is there something beyond this

-1 person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with
-the voice inside my head.

everytime i don't relly have anything important to say i'm just going to leave a poem or quote that i like: i'm so deep....aren't i?

No Platonic Love
Tell me no more of minds embracing minds,
And hearts exchang'd for hearts;
That spirits spirits meet, as winds do winds,
And mix their subt'lest parts:
That two unbodied essences may kiss,
And then like angels, twist and feel one bliss.


I was that silly thing that once was wrought
To practise this thin love:
I climb'd from sex to soul, from soul to thought;
But thinking there to move,
Headlong I roll'd from thought to soul, and then
From soul I lighted at the sex agen.


As some strict down-look'd men pretend to fast,
Who yet in closets eat;
So lovers who profess they spirits taste,
Feed yet on grosser meat;
I know they boast they souls to souls convey,
Howe'er they meet, the body is the way.


Come, I will undeceive thee; they that tread
Those vain aerial ways,
Are like young heirs and ahlchymists misled
To waste their wealth and days,
For searching thus to be for ever rich,
They only find a med'cine for the itch.

i've been feeling better the past couple days....on the night of my last post i was hoping to go out dancing but plans fell through and i didn't have anywhere to go. i felt like my house was suffocating me....i needed out....but just then a knight in shinging armour came to save me in the form of jason *swoon* and he picked me up at midnight and we shopped around the 24 hour sobeys for fruit and rainbow sherbet...sometimes he knows just what i need.

maybe if i don't care about anything i'll never be disappointed. today sucked.

and then the sun disappeared behind the clouds and the day became dull.


"remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away"

today: cd heaven, value, old books...(bridge to terebithia) then for some coffee and books at chapters. a nice walk home and then swing swinging in the sun. tea and the little princess.

"maybe you and i should try all the things we are too scared to try"

my favorite part of today was waking up next to j and eating ice cream cake for breakfast.


To kiss well one must kiss solely. No groping hands or stammering hearts. The lips and the lips alone are the pleasure. Passion is sweeter split strand by strand. Divided and re-divided like mercury then gathered up only at the last moment. -j.w.

whoa....sorry about the crazy message yesterday. i guess i just really needed to rant.

my dad is putting a deposit on a black lab tonight. this is the stupidest thing he could have done. now i'm going to have to listen to my mom complain even more....which is damn near impossible because she complains all the fucking time. she just yells and yells and yells and she never listens to anything you say. and dad...well dad is the baby of his family and lets people step all over him. he also doesn't seem to give a flying fuck what anyone else in the house thinks. he works at a job he hates like a dog for shit money. he pulls his guilt trip and says that he does all the work so we can have all the luxuries we have now... i would give away everything i own if he would just get off the fucking couch and stop eating and working himself to death. i wish my parents were happy.
i hope i never end up like my parents.
ever.

it seems to me that people are itching to get out of this place. i feel it too. i really need to leave. these are some things that i just don't want to see anymore:
-crusty strip malls
-big ugly run down parking lots
-fubu or exco jackets
-baby blue j.lo clothes
-barely there eyebrows
-rap culture
-teenagers who don't know anything beyond their cellphones, computers, malls and high school.
-adults who don't know anything beyond their cell phones, jobs, sports cars or entertainment system.
-lack of trees and flowers
-litter
-old run down buildings
-people who don't notice whats going on around them
-halifax's crappy bus system
-that i don't feel safe walking around by myself after dark
-penhorn mall
-fastfood chains
-industrial parks
-gross dance bars
-tourist shops: sailboats, lighthouses and lobsters painted on rocks
-stupid graffiti


i think if i finally move somewhere else i might just burn or give away everything i own except for the few priceless things that i cherish....i want to start fresh. i want to go to europe. i want to live in a little house in the french country or by the sea. i want to walk around in my bare feet all day. i want to ride my bike into the closest town and shop for vegetables and fresh bread from an outdoor market. i want to swim everyday and have a nice garden where i'll plant my own spices. i wonder what the odds are that a place like that still exists.

NAME 4 BAD HABITS YOU HAVE
1) losing hours and hours on the computer
2) getting distracted when people are trying to talk to me
3) buying stuff i don't need.
4) keeping my thought to myself


NAME 4 THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1) more camera equipment
2) skinny legs,cheekbones and smaller boobs
3) books, movies and music.
4) unlimited flights around the world

NAME 4 SCENTS YOU LOVE
1) the rain.
2) j's aftershave
3) pina colada
4) the beach on your skin.

NAME 4 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER WEAR
1) acid wash tapered jeans.
2) a mini
3) anything that looks like it could be from sirens
4) a string bikini

NAME 4 THINGS YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW
1) i sound like i hate myself
2) i should really go to bed
3) i don't want to go to work tomorrow
4) i'm hungry


NAME 4 THINGS YOU DID TODAY
1) went for a walk with my mom
2) went to work
3) played soccer
4) watched elephant

NAME THE LAST 4 THINGS YOU BOUGHT
1) a book for me and darcy
2) lentils and rice
3) beer
4) a jean skirt

NAME 4 PEOPLE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH
1) jason
2) deanna
3) kathy
4) sarah and darcy (haha i cheated)

NAME 4 DRINKS YOU REGULARLY DRINK
1) espresso chiller
2) soy milk
3) cranberry juice heated up with cinnamon
3) water

NAME LAST 4 PEOPLE YOU HAVE KISSED/BEEN KISSED BY
1) jason
2) jason
3) my nieghbor marj
4) deanna

NAME 4 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF
1) i have curly hair and therefor i look like every other girl with curly hair
2) i have a weakness for all things vintage
3) i would like to travel the world and take pictures
4) i am like an armadillo

things i like about today:
-the sun is out
-looking at really old pictures with my neighbors
-feeling sleepy
-mmm....bruschetta
-waking up next to j

things that sucked about today:
-going to dq with my family and finding out that you didn't want that milkshake in the first place
-sitting around lakeland plant world
-it's cold out
-not being able to clean the house for my mom because you have to drive your little sister around for an hour


next time i'm about to eat crappy food i should remind myself that i never feel like vomiting after eating some fruit.

today i went to work this morning....it's so pretty out but it's too cold!....i want to wear a tank top and cute skirts. dee and darcy showed up and took me shopping. i finally have a jean skirt! oh the world is such a better place now!...just joking....
shopping is not fun anymore because i feel bad about spending money on stuff that's really not important...i guess as long as i know that material things can't make me happy i'll be ok....
geez.....my blog is boring.

hello